As I sit at home on friday night nursing my broken ankle and sipping on some JW, I began to reminisce about the career that was not. The career I am speaking of is the basketball career of Jp.

Joey Perlson’s game blossomed in first grade as he averaged 8,5 and 3 in Solomon Slammers for the Sixers. In second grade he became part of the Bulls and averaged 17 5 4 and hit a buzzer beater in the ship to win 37-36 over Sam Klein his arch nemesis. In third grade he averaged 22, In fourth he averaged 24, and in 5th he averaged 27 and set the record for points in a game and points in an elementary school career in the state of NY. Rivals.Com had him as the #47th ranked national prospect.

His parents made him go to SSDS middle school but he was still determined to slay the game and murk some reggins. In sixth grade he was part of championship team and averaged 4.5 points per game as the ninth man. In seventh grade he led a solid team to a 15-2 record and started his career playing alongside YZG AKA HARRY POTTER AKA  THE PROFESSOR. Yonah Greenstein is now the starting PG at Bard the kid is mad nice, but back in the day he was dece butter. An analogy to compare is I was Filet Mignon and Yonah was 2 hot dogs with out any toppings on them. Bottom line, his game was world of the plain, and he was straight bread loaf.  In 8th grade he went on rampages against some kids that could play. Averaged 27 and led his squad to a 15-13 record in the best middle school conference in Long Island.

After 8th grade he never played another game for a school team. Attending Syosset High School his game did not fit the likes of the vanilla butter aka Jeremy Abrams and the genius sauce Jason Raskin. Bottom line, Syosset High School was political and The Perlson’s were new to the place. He played in Syosset Basketball Rec League from 9-12 and won a ship and averaged 22 for his career. He was inducted into the SBL hall of fame the following year.

At Indiana University he created an intramural squad at Indiana Univerity. The SuperChronics were the squad and along side CHODE,  AG, BRAM, AI, GROSSFIELD, GOLDY, SKRAM, MORTON, JAFFE, CHUCK, FATY the squad had a 27-4 career record with 3 semifinal appearances. They won the less prestigious YMCA LEAGUE. He averaged 17 for his college career and took his talents to back to NY. He was dominating the NY area at sportTime and LT FITNESS and then someone speared him in the ankle because he was talkin mad nice smackingtons and hitting real clutch three’acettes. The color of this guys skin wont be revealed nor will the hatred I feel for him.

As I sit here with a broken ankle reminiscing about the career that was not, I think about the emerging careers. Those are golf and Copier/MPS sales. If you don’t buy your copier from me Or you have a large print fleet and don’t buy MPS from me your just not being logical. It would be like scotch taping cheeseburgers to your knees and using them as shin guards to play roller hockey. Enjoy your nights out and don’t feel sorry for this Forest Gimp.