Detlef was born in Leverkursen, West Germany to a man named Heimler and a woman named Goran. Heimler was a 5 foot 3 mean german with a huge mole on the tip of his nose ,and an armpit odor that smelled like dick. Goran was a 6 foot 5 inch beast of a german woman, who snatched jews faces off and used them as halloween masks. She just so happened to smell like dirty cheese.

When baby Detlef was born the doctor gagged and barfed on his shirt because he could not stand the odor. A direct quote from a nurse in the room was”I cant stand it, it smells like dick cheese!!!!!” An old wives tale is that he got his Dick smell from Heimler, and he got his cheese smell from Goran. When Goran was 12 he was already 6 foot 6 and had dirty cheese growing from his arm pits. Nonetheless though he was a spectacular basketball player.  In 6th grade he averaged 22 points and 15 rebounds on his varsity team called East Aucshwitz. The NBA got news of this big smelly german and brought him right to the NBA

In the NBA Detlef was pretty nice. He was good boys with Shawn Kemp and Gary Payton and lived in a Mansion in Seattle. The only problem was that no girls liked him because whenever a “could be beej” happened, it wouldn’t happen, because he had cheese all over his Dick. This plagued him until 1995-1996 season. The problem was solved by Sam Perkins who had a similar problem but fixed it with an Anti Cheese spray that was invented by a young Greg Oden.

Detlef still smelled for the rest of his life, but at least it wasn’t as bad. He also got to be in NBA Jam and was a popular sponsor for Kraft Cheese.

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