There are certain women in show business who continually play bust-busting bitches who do nothing but piss me off and also piss off my favorite characters. Tony Sopranos’ true temper is shown whenever his sister, Janice, is on screen. Claire Dunphy is just a downright bitch to my man Phil Dunphy. Bobby Bouchet could have had a hall-of-fame career in the NFL but his Mama was too busy busting his balls. My boy Namond Bryce from The Wire was a little bitch, but that is all due to his psycho, ghetto hoochie mama.  And of course we all know what a ball-busting nasty ass bitch Suzie from Curb is. I am going to discuss these nut-cracking women and the very characteristics that put them on this elite list of ball-busting females.

Janice Soprano:

Janice really pisses me off, but not as much as she pisses off her brother who happens to be the mafia boss of the NJ mob.  She looks like the theoretical child of Maya Angelou and Tony Siragusa. As if her brother did not have enough stress with people constantly wanting him dead, being the boss of a crime syndicate, but he has to deal with this stupid bitch’s antics and emotional episodes. She fucked Richie, Ralphy and eventually married Bobby. So not only is she fat, annoying, loud, stupid, but she also gets with Tony’s employees. She is a liability and toxic to all men. Every time I watch a Sopranos episode now I fast forward any scene as soon as her stupid face shows up on ym screen. Her “Ball-Busting Rating” is a 9 out of 10.

Mama

“Mama said dat….” Yes we have all repeated this line and heard it a million times in the past ten years. This woman is an icon, but that doesn’t change the fact that she is controlling, manipulative, ball-busting and a serious serious cock block for Bobby Bouchet. If Bobby had a non ball-busting mother he would be playing Linebacker for the Steelers alongside James Harrison right now, and would have smashed Vicky Valencourt long long ago.  He would have been hittin that shit in high school, coppin dome on his lawn mower and shit.  But the fact that he didn’t see her ta-ta’s until college is a fucking disgrace.  We are talking about a sick, sick woman here. Mama’s “Ball-Busting Rating” is a solid 10 out of 10.

Claire Dunphy

I know what you are all thinking, but being incredibly fit and sexy are irrelevant to this post. I’m keeping it real and willing to ignore her physique and cougarness. Claire Dunphy is a fucking bitch. She is married to one of the funniest dudes in the game, and she doesn’t even give a fuck.  She is a nasty woman, who rarely smiles and busts Al Bundy’s and Phil’s balls on the reg.  Those are two cool dudes and she could care less. She sucks as a human being, simple as that. Her “Ball-Busting Rating” is a 7 out of 10.

 

Mrs. Bryce (from THE WIRE for all of you ignorants..)

Wee-Bey created a soldier. He wanted a woman who cared about his money, status and him being the biggest G in Avon’s crew.  However, those characteristics make for a shitty mother.  She did keep Naymond in fresh jerseys and sneakers, but she made the kid sell drugs for Bodie. SHE MADE HER SON SELL DRUGS! This level of ball-busting is through the roof. It makes about as much sense as Victor Ortiz leaving his guard down while in the ring with Mayweather (none). Naymond was a little bitch who was all bark and no bite. He was ugly as fuck too (her fault) and she was such a significant ball-buster that former Major Colvin adopted the young chap. Within months of no ball-busters surrounding young Naymond, Major Colvin had the kid giving speeches about AIDS to a bunch of white kids. Her “Ball-Busting Rating” is an 8 out of 10.

Suzie Greene:

I single-handedly blame Suzie for any anti-semitism that exists in America today.  She is by far the meanest, nastiest ball-buster in the ball-busting game today. She makes the modern day Meryl Streep (ball-buster) look like Kimberly Kardashian  (not a ball-buster).  She busts Jeff’s balls, Larry’s balls and  the late Oscar’s balls (RIP Oscar).  She is so nasty and gross that I don’t even think that Spence from King of Queens would sleep with her .

 

 

I am going to give Suzie an obvious 10 out of 10 on the Ball-Busting Scale.  Suzie is a legend and an inspiration to all Ball-Busters.  Larry David created this character in order to warn America how fucking awful certain ball-busters can actually be.

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