I been back on my general Tsao’s chicken game and started pondering about what kind of dude general Tsao was. Would I enjoy chilling with him? Or would he be nerdier than an 8th grade Greg Elbaum. Would he smell like barf muffins or would he have more swag than Dante Hall. I really wondered, so i decided to hit up the wise elderly chinese man that lives down the block from me.

When I opened the door to his house i noticed 4 wrinkly chinese women eating pork dumplings and dipping it in cottage cheese. I said to them, “listen up women of the ming dynasty, you better not be taking cheese from my cottage”. They were startled but understood my concern, and they began to all bow in front of me. The situation was straight with my asian bitches so I proceeded to walk down the long corridor to the room of Lin Hao, the wise chinese man.

I went up to Lin, and was just like whats good my boy. He was glad to see me because I did a great job shoveling his house over winter break. Naturally he was happy to see me and he gave me mad meat objects from his poo-poo platter. I bit into one and it was meat with a turd filling. I said”Lin you have betrayed me”, so I fatalitied him in front of his bitches. I grabbed the book of General Tsao and went on my way.

I opened the book and saw that general Tsao was actually Zuo Zangtang. He was a famous chinese general and dethroned the Taiping king and brought an end to mad rebellions. He was real nice at throwing spears and was pretty decent at making dumplings.