Autumn is amongst us and the squirrels are gettin mad hungarian for acorns. Just last Tuesday I saw a squirrel viciously bite another one because he was messing with his acorn stash. I respect squirrels and their opinions on various topics so i decided I would eat an acorn. I bit into it and was not impressed one bit. It tasted like a mixture of a cashew with an aftertaste of toe fungus and decomposing turds.

Do Squirrels like acorns so much because they are closed minded and haven’t tried other snacks. The other day I stole a squirrels acorn and replaced it with a nine pack of bagel bites. The squirrel was so pleased, but there was just one problem. Right after he ate the bagel bites, he tried climbing up a tree and jumping from branch to branch but then missed and tumbled to his death. I was wondering it it was coincidental that my bagel bites made the squirrel lose athletic ability, or was it the acorns that gave the squirrel climbing and jumping skills?

I went to the laboratory and put acorns under my telescope and put them in my ph testing beaker bottom. I saw extremely peculiar chromosome composition. Acorns just happen to contain the same ingredients as steroids and hgh, thus giving squirrels the ability to run mad fast and jump like negros.

To make a long story short, squirrels eat acorns in order to give their species a competitive advantage. So if you give a squirrel a pistachio, he will look at you in disgust and probably give u rabies, causing you to have ugly babies. slap you in the face and murk your grandma, hand you orange chicken from panda. Why do only mexicans work at panda express, because 5 an hour would make chinks depress. yaaa diggggg????

 

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